La Soledad Ajena...
Living life with full of pain and agony is not what it will always seem. Sometimes we tend to see a lot and we get used to it that we do not often see the changes that has been going around in our lives. Sometimes all it takes is a little tap in the shoulder to finally realize that we are not alone anymore. I have been through the depths of hell in my life, if ever there was such a place, but as it is living my life was somewhat the kind that defines being in hell. I used to breathe in pain, laugh with agony and dance with blissful misery. These all hidden under a brilliant and joyous face. A mask that hides true uncertainty, emotions that run even deeper than any man nor woman could ever know. I have endured so many treacherous days that my body becomes numb and my heart does not even recognize itself anymore. I have always hidden behind a mask, a very pretty face that almost no one could resist. That laugh that i used, together with that tender face, the inevitable smile that makes people smile in return not knowing that beneath all that lies a deep dark secret. It really did not occur to me that everything can still be made up, that a broken piece of glass could ever be fully restored to it's original state.
Someone came up to me and asked me, "why do you not show it?" i was rather puzzled, i did not know how i should react. He just started to grow on me as if he saw right through me. I was perplexed by this weird and uncommon feeling to the point that i almost could not say anything. He gave me a pat and a smile as if to say, "Hey,don't worry everything is going to be just fine..." He was so different that it made me want to see even more of him even if i knew nothing about who he really was. I guess that's mainly because he saw through the mask i wore and got through the huge wall i built around myself.
I became so unusually attached to this man that i became even more confused about what i was feeling. It was different from all those negative feelings that i used to have, so complex and yet more fulfilling. I had never felt my heart pumping so fast that i could really say to myself, "Damn, I'm still alive..." I haven't felt like this in a very long time. I did not even expect that my heart could be ever more filled with happiness, little by little.
I began to learn about him and saw that he was also like me, suppressed by situations that he never asked for in life. But he was the exact opposite, he was more on the obvious side while i was living my life full of lies. Day by day, i began to see a different side of the world, not enveloped by darkness but i could slowly see the colors that were never there before in what used to be just black and white. I began to laugh with my heart in sync with my mind, not screaming for pity but screaming with joy. My eyes are now even brighter as i gaze into the sun slowly falling to give way to the night. In the darkness i could see the luminous stars shining brightly, dancing in the wide open sky. I have never seen such a beauty in my life. But my heart's ultimate question still remains, what do i fear the most now? Is it because i have opened up and let another person see who i really am? Or is it that fear of losing that one person who understands and to go back into the pits of darkness? maybe now the time has really come when i know how much i have been changing since that day he came to me. The truth is i am slowly beginning to understand my heart's ultimate fear. Although i have been very curious of the new found happiness, I cannot eradicate the fact that change, although good or bad, will and always be forever, since it is the only thing that can stand through time.
Now my fear still remains, but at least i know that i can still keep hanging on. As long as i see that wonderful beauty alongside of me i can never feel the slightest fear. Going back to the shadows can be pretty simple for me but losing that one person i can be myself to is the most crushing and the most devastating thing that could possibly ever happen.
Someone came up to me and asked me, "why do you not show it?" i was rather puzzled, i did not know how i should react. He just started to grow on me as if he saw right through me. I was perplexed by this weird and uncommon feeling to the point that i almost could not say anything. He gave me a pat and a smile as if to say, "Hey,don't worry everything is going to be just fine..." He was so different that it made me want to see even more of him even if i knew nothing about who he really was. I guess that's mainly because he saw through the mask i wore and got through the huge wall i built around myself.
I became so unusually attached to this man that i became even more confused about what i was feeling. It was different from all those negative feelings that i used to have, so complex and yet more fulfilling. I had never felt my heart pumping so fast that i could really say to myself, "Damn, I'm still alive..." I haven't felt like this in a very long time. I did not even expect that my heart could be ever more filled with happiness, little by little.
I began to learn about him and saw that he was also like me, suppressed by situations that he never asked for in life. But he was the exact opposite, he was more on the obvious side while i was living my life full of lies. Day by day, i began to see a different side of the world, not enveloped by darkness but i could slowly see the colors that were never there before in what used to be just black and white. I began to laugh with my heart in sync with my mind, not screaming for pity but screaming with joy. My eyes are now even brighter as i gaze into the sun slowly falling to give way to the night. In the darkness i could see the luminous stars shining brightly, dancing in the wide open sky. I have never seen such a beauty in my life. But my heart's ultimate question still remains, what do i fear the most now? Is it because i have opened up and let another person see who i really am? Or is it that fear of losing that one person who understands and to go back into the pits of darkness? maybe now the time has really come when i know how much i have been changing since that day he came to me. The truth is i am slowly beginning to understand my heart's ultimate fear. Although i have been very curious of the new found happiness, I cannot eradicate the fact that change, although good or bad, will and always be forever, since it is the only thing that can stand through time.
Now my fear still remains, but at least i know that i can still keep hanging on. As long as i see that wonderful beauty alongside of me i can never feel the slightest fear. Going back to the shadows can be pretty simple for me but losing that one person i can be myself to is the most crushing and the most devastating thing that could possibly ever happen.
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